GraceLife - Submission in Marriage

The Sweetness of Submission

“Has my husband lost his mind?,” I thought. “Telling me that God instructs woman in the Bible to respect their husbands!”
“He (God) didn’t say only if I deserve it.” He continued, “I’m also instructed to love you without any excuse.”

I was so angry with him but his words stuck with me all day. In Ephesians 5:33 God says “…and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” I knew my husband was right – there were no stipulations added – like, only if he deserves it.

I was greatly convicted and humbled! God lovingly showed me that intimacy in our marriage was hurting because of my non-submissive attitude. Convicted and humbled, I sought my husbands forgiveness for my lack of respect.

Husbands are blessed and encouraged when wives respect and value their opinions, decisions and position. But I wasn't doing that. I've had to learn that my respect for him isn't dependent on his actions. I need to respect him because of the position God gave him as leader of our family.

Please join me, with an open mind, as I continue to share what I have learned about the sweetness of submission.

Sweet Aroma

“…submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Eph 5:21-22

Respect is very important in God’s plan for submission. It is very difficult to submit to someone you don’t respect. Submission is a willingness to come under someone while respect requires reverence – both require a choice. God told us to submit to each other. Our Lord Jesus modeled the perfect picture of submission as he willingly died on the cross. He submitted to the Father because of His love for us!

It was pleasing to God that Jesus would die on the cross on our behalf. In the same way, it is pleasing to God that we would “die” to our rights and our own will so that we would submit to Him and then to our husbands. God told us when we are weak, then He is strong. Only when we die to the flesh and submit to the spirit of God can we successfully submit in our hearts, minds and actions.

The flesh always demands its way and is very controlling. I come from a very long line of strong woman and have to die to my abilities all the time. I have to trust Christ everyday to do what I can’t do..like submit. When we abide, or rest, in the Father then the power of Christ can help you to surrender. It takes a powerful, faith-filled woman to walk “in Christ” rather than in self. Obedience to God’s will in the form of submission is a sweet aroma to our Lord!

Sweet Rewards

Do you remember why you married? Many women wanted to share life with that special someone. However, many couples don't share much at all. Instead, they are selfish. We often don't submit because be want our way. Selfishness robs relationships of intimacy. The husband who tries to lord himself over his wife or the wife who tries to control her husband will kill the intimacy for which they ultimately long.

My husband is the pastor of a new church, we have four beautiful, young children and our youngest is only a couple of weeks old. As you can imagine, by the end of the day I am quite tired. However, I choose not to deny my husband the enjoyment of my body, a decision I made when we were first married. I told him,“I always want to desire each other more than sleep.”

Our wedding bands often remind us of our physical commitment, saying “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine…” Song of Solomon 6:3. What a beautiful picture of submission! I believe we enjoy a great marriage because my submissive behavior in the bedroom has encouraged the intimacy in our everyday interactions!

I remember listening to a friend describe her husband as the fifth child of their family. I laughed along with her as she continued to complain about his shortcomings. I heard myself in her that day. Realizing how dishonoring that sounded I began dying to those thoughts and feelings toward my husband.

I thought about how Sarah honored Abraham in 1 Peter 3:3-6 by calling him “lord.” Wow! I was so far from being a wife like that. I realized that submission is an attitude. I decided to walk like Sarah, that day, in a joyful attitude of submission toward my husband.

Today, the Lord helps me to forgive my husband (sometimes a lot), to respectfully communicate with him and to love and accept him where he is. After all, God sees him as a King, a priest, a joint heir in His family. I choose to look at his true identity also.

Wives that sweetly submit to their husbands, allowing them to make mistakes – help them to grow. We must trust the Lord with our families, remembering, God is really the only one in control! (May not be able to find the space but this is where I wanted to say: Genesis 12:10-20 reminds us, Sarah had reason to distrust Abraham after his fear lead him to deny her and allow the king to have her. God took care of her and made sure that she was not touched. Yet, she called Abraham lord!)

You and everyone close to you are blessed when you obey God by submitting to your husband. Your children, especially, are blessed by your submissive behavior as they learn from your example. The rewards are great when the Lord is well pleased!

Sweet Tooth

Early in my marriage I read the book, "Liberated Through Submission" by P.B. Wilson. The Lord used it to develop a spirit-led submission that has sweetly changed my marriage. These days, I remember “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames {him} is like rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4

The more I grow in submission, the more benefits I reap and the more I want to submit. Like a sweet tooth, the act of submission produces a sweet flavor of blessings that’s desired more every day.

The Lord only gives us the best. His gift of submission gives us victorious marriages and abundant lives. The Lord invites you to enjoy the sweetness of submission today!

Submission Sidebar:

How do I submit to my husband who is unequally yoked or unsaved?

Although your marriage may be challenging, be encouraged to stay committed to your husband and your marriage. You may be questioning God’s will for your marriage. Don’t go there! Your hope is in Christ and He is powerful in you! Restore your intimacy with the Lord by first repenting. Confess to Him any disregard you had for Him or His word before getting married. Then receive His loving forgiveness! Be sure to forgive yourself and receive His grace.

Also, release your husband from any unforgiveness or judgments you’ve held against him. And release him from your need to control him. The most powerful thing you can do is pray for him… but not with a selfish “make my life easier, Lord” motivation. Trust the Lord and wait on Him! We strongly suggest “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian. The Lord loves you and cares for you and your family! It is no coincidence that God saved you. Your family will surely benefit from your faith. God made provision in His word for wives that are waiting for their husbands’ spiritual maturity:

“..You wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior. Don't be concerned about the outward beauty…You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 (NLT)

This is impossible to do without the power of the spirit working through you. Submit to the Spirit (and your husband) and be blessed!